Whispering to the Horses Again

I spent the day with the Horse Whisperer again. This time I actually got to see him work with a horse. All of this is hard to describe on a blog, but he lounged the horse and did backing up and side steps. But the key is he did all of this with putting pressure on the horse and then releasing pressure the moment the horse did what it was asked. He first started out with light pressure, and allowed the horse to find release, its happy place. He would then apply more pressure and the horse would struggle until it realized how to find that release and happy place again. He finished the exercises with the horse in a good and relaxed mood. He says never leave a horse in a bad place (aggravated or has a problem) because when you come back the next day the horse will still be in that bad place, but if you leave the horse in a good place (relaxed) then when you come back the next day he will still be in a happy good place.

He says that the training starts from the moment you step in the gate to put the halter on the horse. PATIENCE. Working with horses is all about patience. He waited maybe 10 minutes until the horse was curious enough to come to him and allow him to put the halter on. If he had just walked up to the horse and kept pursuing the horse, it would not have come to him or wanted anything to do with him. The more pressure he would have put on the horse the more horse would have flighted, backed away because a horse is a flight animal. It has to be the horses idea before he is going to do it. You have to make it the horses idea, not your idea or it might never happen.

I believe this can relate to people as well. Like a student, if you make it their idea to want to go to college, then they will work harder to get better grades. But if you tell the student to make better grades and don't give them a reason, then why in the world would they put that much effort into, what seems to them is nothing. Horses are like that too. They want to get away from pressure, so if you allow them to make it their idea to get away from pressure then they will do it.

I also believe that the patience you gain from working with horses will of course help you communicate with people. If you have the patience to train and wait on a horse, then you could be patient in potty training a child. You would be patient enough to learn how to communicate to the child when to use the toilet instead of a diaper. It could teach you patience with coworkers or in my case patience with group member when I work on a project.

When you work with a horse you are supposed to work from where they are coming from. Meaning that they are a flight animal and they are scared and you should recognize that. I think you should also do this with other people. You should realize where they are coming from. My friend might be flaky one day and tell me she wants to hang out and then not show up. When I speak to her the next time maybe I should be considerate that she is going through something difficult or maybe she just can't keep plans. Instead of me getting furious at her I should take the pressure off and let her come to me and apologize. Once she realizes that I will not yell at her and be extremely mad she can open up and tell me what is wrong with her. ( I realize of course that some people would take advantage of this situation and do it multiple times... in that case I would loose my patience.)

I also watched a short video with Dale today and he showed me how you shouldn't scare a horse into doing something. This man was in a round pen with a horse and laid down a tarp. The horse had never seen a tarp on the ground and did not want to step on it or even come near it. The man motioned the horse with a flag towards the tarp but allowed the horse to think about it and make the decision to jump over it. With enough time the horse finally just walked over the tarp. But it took patience and time to let the horse make it his idea to walk on the tarp.

I think this can apply to people. Its like forcing a child to ride a bike. If you let them get comfortable with the idea and give them some confidence then they will want to ride the bike. They will allow you to take your hand off the seat and let them ride by themselves. You shouldn't scare or force people into doing something they don't want to do either. You should communicate with them and give them the space and confidence they need in order to do what you may want them to do. Its like someone asking me to ski dive. If you push me out of the plane of course I don't have a choice, but wouldn't that person want to be comfortable and trust them enough to go on my own? ( At least I would think my friend would want this!) Someone pushing me out of the plane is not going to make me conquer my fear of heights. Just like forcing a horse to walk on the tarp is not going to conquer his fear, it is just going to make him distrust you more, and every time he approaches the tarp he will be nervous because in his mind he didn't get over the fear of the tarp you just forced him to cross it. The horse will be fearful of the tarp and additionally the fact that he will have to cross it regardless of his fear.

I believe pressure and release with a horse can be like pursuing a person. My boyfriend pursued me, but then he let me decide to call him back. He showed interest but allowed me to decide to push the relationship further. You can be like this with horses. You apply pressure and then release. You apply enough pressure to let them know what you want them to do, without pushing them away. ( I understand that dating and relationships can be MUCH more complicated that I am describing but the analogy works here.)